Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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