her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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