I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
