so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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