The maid of honor just puked.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
don't judge my taste in strippers
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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