There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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