Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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