It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
