Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
