During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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