you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
