Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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