if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize