I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize