If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
