saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
