we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize