Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just google imaged poop.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
