I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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