Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
