uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
