Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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