i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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