so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
