Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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