I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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