I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
