I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Someone came in the potted fern
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
