he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
