I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
