half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
