After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
