i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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