I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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