bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
