Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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