All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
