And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
