After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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