she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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