I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize