is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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