Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
