i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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