We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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