I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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