i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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