So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
