New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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