Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
