Sponge bath it is.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
