why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
