Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i love accidental penises.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
