is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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