I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize