Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
