she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize