Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
