Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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