My nipple is on Facebook.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
