what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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