It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
