call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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