if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
