So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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