Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
