We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
