3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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