Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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