My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize