They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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