omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
organizing the empties. That sober.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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