If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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