Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
