i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
