Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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