When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
