Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
