we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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