I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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