he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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