New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
